Depending on how intimate folks have connected with me throughout my life, including early childhood, affects the extent to which they have been a witness to my spiritual blossoming. On the surface, many may have understood me to be simply compassionate & emotionally sensitive. Closer friends have observed the profound intensity of my empathy accelerate throughout the past decade. My most cherished partnerships, however, have experienced alongside me the magic that has ignited in my life.
And I don’t use the term, “magic,” lightly. I believe “magic” is in all of us, all around us, & is accessible in every moment because this world is inherently extraordinary. I believe in miracles because I’ve lived them. I believe in ghosts because I’ve seen them. I believe in angels & spirit guides because without them, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as happy, healthy, or successful as I am today. And ultimately, I believe every one of us can connect with the divinity in all, too, should we simply have the will.
My earliest memories of being energetically sensitive began in pre-school. I attended a Christian elementary, where the concepts of “God” would spark endless explorations of thought at night. On multiple occasions, I remember being unable to sleep, ever-questioning: “What comes after Pluto?” Attempting to wrap my little understanding around space & time drove me to fear & anxiety. The rabbit hole would endlessly loop until I would shudder & sob at the idea of “death” because I could not comprehend what it truly was.
Finally, one night, I prayed to God for answers. I begged Him to show me what death was so that I wouldn’t be afraid of it anymore. I must’ve been about five years old.
Periodically from that night until I was 12 years old, I lived what I now understand to be “out-of-body” experiences. I vividly recall moments in my fourth grade classroom where if I “spaced out” enough, my consciousness would lift above my body. My field of vision would shift so I could then see from a point of view at least a couple feet above my own head. I wouldn’t be able to feel my body at all; if anything it seemed numb. After a little bit, I would want to return, & the “grounding” of myself back into my physical form was always a bit unsettling at first.
I understood this as the answer to my prayer: this is what it was like to be dead, to be a spirit. God had showed me so I wouldn’t be scared of death anymore. To this day, I have not felt any fear of dying, even if it was unexpectedly tomorrow. I accept it.
Casper the Maybe Friendly? Ghost
Elementary through high school, I remember experiencing a number of paranormal occurrences. The first was when I was likely in third grade. I was reading in my bed, which faced the vanity mirror across the room. Upon briefly glancing up, I saw in the mirror a clear image of a tall, thin woman dressed in around 1910s garb standing next to me. I turned to my right where she would’ve been– no one there. My eyes shot back to the mirror, where she remained & looked blankly at me.
I screamed bloody murder. Immediately, I leapt out of bed & raced to my mother’s arms, who of course, didn’t believe me, though I trembled & whimpered. I refused to sleep in my room for a couple nights.
It all escalates from there.
The Ouiji Board
By ninth grade, I had been investigating the zodiac & playing with a ouiji board my friend + I picked up at Toys ‘R Us. While I do not recommend the use of ouiji boards & would unlikely touch one today, I am grateful my experiences were relatively harmless.
There was an evening where a group of young high schoolers & I were playing the ouiji board at a friend’s house that actually happened to be right next to a cemetery (of course). The ouiji board introduced us to a young boy that passed away when he was seven. When we asked him what his favorite color was, the cursor darted around the board, pausing at various letters & not really spelling anything sensicle. The board was decorated with a sun + moon at either corners, & suddenly, the cursor flew to land on the sun.
“Ohhh, your favorite color is yellow, you just don’t know how to spell it because you’re seven?”
The cursor slid to “yes.”
Thoroughly amused, we closed the board for the evening. The next morning, however, we decided to walk around the cemetary like your average, aimless 14-year-olds. We walked with a bit of distance between us as we weaved through the tombstones. One of us caught the attention of the group, pointing out a particular gravestone. The memorial piece listed the personal details of a young boy that had passed away at seven years old with the same first name, and– a sunflower adorning the stone.
None of us said anything.
While my stories do get scarier, my journey has blossomed quite beautifully all the same. Having been an energetically sensitive child, I was open to finding answers in religion. For a number of years, I received the guidance I needed from Christianity, thanks to a progressive Christian summer camp I attended for two years.
I vividly recall on the first day being a little shy to fully participate in the worship songs & gatherings. I was familiar with Christianity & the spirit of God, but I wasn’t as enthusiastic jumping in. It was in a break-out group that evening that I experienced a vision for the first time in my life (today, it’s been countless times).
In my mind’s eye, I was overtaken by an image of Jesus himself, cloaked in white & surrounded by a golden aura. He gently hugged me, & I physically began to cry.
I was quiet the rest of the evening, shook by what I had experienced. From then on, I could truly feel Him within my heart & in the beauty of nature. That one moment truly shaped me for the rest of my life.
While I now have conflicted feelings towards the institution of the Catholic & Christian churches for the trauma they have unjustly caused in my life & countless others, I still wholeheartedly revere & believe in the true spirit of Jesus. At the same time, He is not the only spirit we can heal alongside.
(Much of my healing from oppressive Christian-dogma has been thanks to the Magdalen Manuscript— more on that later.)
Law of Attraction
I was first introduced to the Law of Attraction when I was a senior in high school. While I will share more about how to effectively utilize this tool, for now, I will detail the magic that ensued the premiere time I practiced it.
The first thing I ever manifested was naturally related to Lady Gaga, my lord & savior (lololol jokes but only kinda). Her Born This Way tour was fast approaching, but at the time, I didn’t have the money for $50~ tickets. So, every morning before school, I would get dressed while dancing to her music & envisioning myself at her show. The joy & excitement was an infectious way to begin the day.
After about a week, I was driving to school in the morning when I heard a local radio station announce they would be giving away Lady Gaga tickets. At the time they designated for listeners to call in, I stepped out of my AP English class, tuned into the radio station from my car, & gave the station two phone calls.
On the second call, I won.
Needless to say, the concert was amazing & I cried. From then on, the Law of Attraction has been a pillar for me in my life, & has even led me to meeting Lady Gaga. Of course, more on all that later too 😉
A scary topic, but a real one. I have encountered possession in others & myself by undesirable spirits on a few occasions throughout my 24 years, which has been the capstone of my understanding of the spirit world today. To me, these experiences have been so undeniably real, they have catapulted me into my quest for spiritual healing & ascension. So despite all the fear & trauma that has been, I am ultimately grateful for the strength & knowledge I have gained.
While I could write a novel about the intense battle I had with a demon that lasted over two years (yes– it’s true. I have a tattoo commemorating my strength from it. And yes, maybe I will write a book), for now, I’ll choose to share the first time I became aware that possession can really happen.
We were a freshmen in college & my best friend since the sixth grade had been living in a haunted cooperative house. Without speaking for his story, I’ll note that there were too many times where he would call me detailing very spooky circumstances happening in the house, including roommates uncharacteristically acting out in threatening ways.
One day when I was visiting his college town, we started the afternoon promising each other we wouldn’t visit his haunted co-op because we knew we would be too energetically sensitive to be in such a volatile place. Further, we swore we wouldn’t visit it while under the influence of cannabis.
So, how is it that, of course, we did exactly that?
We entered the large mansion with high minds, curious hearts, & tepid steps. Reverse pentagrams painted on the walls covered years of the building’s history: once a sorority turned into a brothel, then home to a satanic sex cult, now a radical co-op. (You can’t make this up. The world is wild)
After exploring a bit of the building & interacting with some unique characters, we took refuge in his room. There, he lay on his bed & I sat back on the couch while we waited for our other friend to pick us up. Rarely have I experienced paralysis, but this time was unmistakable.
I remember feeling frozen in my position: left arm propped up on the back of the couch, legs outstretched, staring blankly ahead at the wall. I could see my friend laying on his side motionless, gazing at the floor without a word. I felt a weight bear down on my entire body, pressuring me into freezing my muscles. It started seem as if the walls were closing in & the air was getting heavier. A deep hum began ringing in my ears, & my heart started to race with fear. I couldn’t move, but I knew we couldn’t stay there for much longer.
Suddenly, by the grace of our protectors, the phone rang. Our friend was here to pick us up. Immediately released from the spell, my friend & I jumped up with unprecedented veracity from our concrete positions. With only a shared look of understanding in fear, we bolted out of the house without a word.
In my friend’s car, we attempted to process what had happened. My friend was writhing in what seemed like pain, unable to speak clearly. I was speechless & still fairly frozen up, but I attempted to explain to our hero of a friend what had happened to us.
That night, my friend & I were decompressing in the room of my parent’s house. We were exploring ideas of how other people may react if we explained to them what we had experienced, or what would happen if our peers might enter into the same building, as well.
Have you seen Lord of the Rings? You may remember the scene where Bilbo Baggins has an intense reaction to seeing the ring (0:47). This is the best way I can relate to what happened to me in this moment.
In this conversation, I remember the feeling of my face twisting into a snarl that I did not recognize, while spitting out a viciously judgmental remark that had no foundation in who I really am or what I really thought.
As soon as the words came out of me, I looked at my friend in fear. That wasn’t me. The voice didn’t even sound like mine. I remember it was whiny, nasally, with a snarl.
He stared at me back in fright, understanding as well that the demonic spirits of the haunted house had followed us home.
Immediately, we began to pray. Within fifteen minutes or so we felt clearer, lighter, & protected, but the experience marked us for life. We learned our lesson.
All This was Just the Beginning
Since then, I have had more dangerous experiences with unwanted spirits who have sought human lives to feed off of. All the same, I’ve also had the most beautifully divine experiences of bliss & ecstasy on my path to embodying my best self. These journeys are what have opened up the doors for my accelerated knowledge & understanding of esoteric thought, lightwork, & the spirit worlds. For it was the ambitious drive to understand what was happening to myself & my loved ones that propelled me into finding the real answers.
Now years later, I believe I have found those answers. Or at least the keys to unlock more answers.
To be sure, I have learned potent tools that have undeniably worked when they’ve needed to. Their effectiveness has intrinsically motivated me to share these with others; it would be selfish not to spread these gifts of wisdom with all who may be receptive– they’re too revolutionary.
I share all these preliminary stories of my spiritual journey with the intention to not only honestly spread awareness about these very real forces in our reality, but hopefully relate to someone out there who may have similar experiences:
You’re not “crazy.” You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re not “weird.” Your experiences are gifts that expand your knowledge of yourself, this world, & the web of all relations between. Reflect upon them, understand them, find gratitude for them. Your sensitivities make you strong. Honor yourself & all that makes your life a unique, magical adventure.